Online
Okay, I guess this marks the start of my 'spiritual' online diary. Spirituality has become almost a polluted word with all the mumbojumbo these days: guru's, healers, spirit guides, chakra whisperers.. none of that for me. Good old hard, introspective work. Being honest to myself, no matter how tough that may be. I don't want to fool myself anymore.
It's hard to keep believing in a radiant future when I'm at home, without a job and no prospects whatsoever. And still, that's precisely what I try to do. One part of me is insecure and whines because she thinks that's the 'normal' way to react when a person is/feels abandoned, the other part of me looks on, amused and sure of her destiny, which is to attain enlightenment in this life. I know this is my purpose in life. And I don't think about it in a head in the clouds kind of way. It's my road, my way of life, and I'm getting there, I can feel it, I can see the enormous changes that have taken place over the years of struggle and drama.
It feels different to write this all in English, which is not my native language, but possibly it provides some necessary distance between me and my writings. It's good to look at my thoughts in a more detached way, like they don't really belong to me. In the end, they don't anyway.
The pain in my back makes it difficult to write for long, so there's another challenge: to keep it short and sweet!
Enough for now, I'm going to bed***.
It's hard to keep believing in a radiant future when I'm at home, without a job and no prospects whatsoever. And still, that's precisely what I try to do. One part of me is insecure and whines because she thinks that's the 'normal' way to react when a person is/feels abandoned, the other part of me looks on, amused and sure of her destiny, which is to attain enlightenment in this life. I know this is my purpose in life. And I don't think about it in a head in the clouds kind of way. It's my road, my way of life, and I'm getting there, I can feel it, I can see the enormous changes that have taken place over the years of struggle and drama.
It feels different to write this all in English, which is not my native language, but possibly it provides some necessary distance between me and my writings. It's good to look at my thoughts in a more detached way, like they don't really belong to me. In the end, they don't anyway.
The pain in my back makes it difficult to write for long, so there's another challenge: to keep it short and sweet!
Enough for now, I'm going to bed***.
posted by M. at 10:08 AM
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