Lapstop

Communication black hole. Fell into it, just like that. Been hermitting for a year and a half. Stopped writing, stopped the daily recording of progress. The downs are deep and protruded. Ups a few sparks of calm clarity, just a couple. Typing in the library right now, haven't used phone or laptop yet. Slowly coming out of this hole. Sometimes I considered writing but it felt too dense, too final. Been going to the library since a few weeks, to email some people that I am alive and to restart this whole sending recieving thing. Might change though, nothing is solid. Been going from panicked, paranoid, extremely frightened to a mild melancholy and absence of feelings. The fear needs to go, that's all. Everything else is secondary. When surrender sent another ripple through me, more fear and crap came to the surface. At some point, it's gonna be emptied out. But the surfacing takes time and it's damn scary. Don't try this at home. Seriously.