A hole in the ground
Opinions coming out of my ears. Constantly choosing one thing over another, liking this, condemning that, and so on.
Coming to grips with around 40% of the world population being aßßholes. That's their role, the part they play on the world's stage.
Why fight against the existence of aßßholes? They make the world go round. It's their job.
Without them no duality, no struggle, no carnival of good and evil.
It's so hard to be sincere in writing, the moment my fingers touch the keyboard, or the tip of the pen touches the page, my sincerity is out the window.
The hardened mask of the old days is gone, but there's a veneer in place that only breaks when I'm completely overwhelmed by being around people and I burst into tears. Then I'm real, for an instant. But that's not the way I want it to be (again: preferences and dislikes).
I'd like to be capable of sincerity without all the drama and falseness leading up to it. Even if it's only for myself, writing with my pen in a paper notebook no-one will ever see.
It is hard to be honest with yourself, but that's where it all starts. Why is it so hard? I know it is from experience, but why?
To me it used to feel as a matter of life and death, not being accountable for anything; any kind of criticism felt as an attack on my very being. So why criticize myself?
Obviously it's different now, because without stern looks into my motives and thought-processes, where would I be?
Completely stagnant, as I have been for the whole of January, at least that's what it felt like. Until I saw the documentary.
It made me feel sick and I knew that was a good thing, because it shook me up, rattled me.
Let's not start wishing for the grand version, for authenticity around others, that will come when ready. First be honest to yourself.
First first first. Everything else, every other form of authenticity will follow from there. That's your point of origin. Start there.
Face all, because you're able to, you can, you are strong enough now. No one can condemn you if you don't.
And now a little gratitude to the aßßholes is in order.
Thank you, aßßholes, because without you, I would be stagnant.
Coming to grips with around 40% of the world population being aßßholes. That's their role, the part they play on the world's stage.
Why fight against the existence of aßßholes? They make the world go round. It's their job.
Without them no duality, no struggle, no carnival of good and evil.
It's so hard to be sincere in writing, the moment my fingers touch the keyboard, or the tip of the pen touches the page, my sincerity is out the window.
The hardened mask of the old days is gone, but there's a veneer in place that only breaks when I'm completely overwhelmed by being around people and I burst into tears. Then I'm real, for an instant. But that's not the way I want it to be (again: preferences and dislikes).
I'd like to be capable of sincerity without all the drama and falseness leading up to it. Even if it's only for myself, writing with my pen in a paper notebook no-one will ever see.
It is hard to be honest with yourself, but that's where it all starts. Why is it so hard? I know it is from experience, but why?
To me it used to feel as a matter of life and death, not being accountable for anything; any kind of criticism felt as an attack on my very being. So why criticize myself?
Obviously it's different now, because without stern looks into my motives and thought-processes, where would I be?
Completely stagnant, as I have been for the whole of January, at least that's what it felt like. Until I saw the documentary.
It made me feel sick and I knew that was a good thing, because it shook me up, rattled me.
Let's not start wishing for the grand version, for authenticity around others, that will come when ready. First be honest to yourself.
First first first. Everything else, every other form of authenticity will follow from there. That's your point of origin. Start there.
Face all, because you're able to, you can, you are strong enough now. No one can condemn you if you don't.
And now a little gratitude to the aßßholes is in order.
Thank you, aßßholes, because without you, I would be stagnant.
posted by M. at 2:34 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home