SLT

Yes, I know what I wrote. "Awake-adjacent were it not for the fear." LOL! Aren't we all.

I don't think there's anything I can do to speed up the process, because things need to take their course, I am following guidance, and to forcefully try to wrestle myself into a place I am not ripe for might only prolong the whole thing altogether.
Isn't that swimming against the stream?
Or am I deluding myself? 

At the same time it's so damn easy for me to get sucked into tiny drama by fear. Reasoning with myself doesn't help, but I still do it anyway. 
Everything seems overwhelming when fear comes up that strong. Minor things are huge and insurmountable problems and all is going to shit and I'll die in the exact same place and nothing will have changed because my life was useless.
Stuff like that, as Greek ex and me used to say. Stuff like that.