Eerie

Just wanna tell about something spooky that happened tonight.
Came back from karate and heard sirens in the city, which normally doesn't make me look up, but I did.
In the train I was sitting at the window, looking outside, and I saw all these weird blue flashes, like there was something wrong with the electric wires on top of the train. Nobody else seemed to notice this, it was certainly the first time I ever saw this, and I have travelled by train a lot. It kept occurring, the ghostly blue flashes were fierce and at one time I was even bracing myself mentally for a possible sudden impact. Nothing happened, but it was weird, nobody even so much as blinked. I hesitated if I should tell the train guard but somehow I decided against it, I just stood on the platform after I got out and watched the train leave the station.
Riding my bike home a car with sirens passed me so fast I couldn't make out whether it was a police car or an ambulance.
It was very cold with threads of fog and I got the creeping suspicion that something was wrong, something had happened. It was these signs, small things, but ominous, and I decided to watch the late news before I went to bed.
So I did and it was the first item: on the highway to and from the town I live in there had been two mayor pile ups in both directions, with a total of almost seventy cars involved. They happened around 9:30 pm, which was the time I saw these blue flashes coming off the train.

Changes

Well, things have changed, though I couldn't say exactly what happened. But my goal is gone. Yep, the goal I had for thirteen years is gone. I don't want to attain enlightenment anymore. It doesn't interest me anymore. It was quite sudden that I found myself with a gaping hole inside of me where my lifelong goal used to be. It was disorienting, and it still is. This goal helped me through some extremely tough times and it feels as if I've lost a big part of myself. Despite all the hardships, I always had something to look forward to, something to give me hope for the future, and now there is nothing. And I'm kinda getting used to it. It feels weird though, now I don't have any goal anymore. No expectations, no hopes, no dreams.. nothing. I'm empty.
I talked about it tonight with a Reiki friend of mine. We talked about letting go and she thought this could mean I will only grow faster even though I don't know anymore towards what I am apparently growing. I don't care anymore, but I also suspect it could be the case that I reached a point where the advantages of having a goal to work towards are outweighed by the disadvantages of holding on to something.
That's it, I got nothing more to say for the moment.