Changes

Well, things have changed, though I couldn't say exactly what happened. But my goal is gone. Yep, the goal I had for thirteen years is gone. I don't want to attain enlightenment anymore. It doesn't interest me anymore. It was quite sudden that I found myself with a gaping hole inside of me where my lifelong goal used to be. It was disorienting, and it still is. This goal helped me through some extremely tough times and it feels as if I've lost a big part of myself. Despite all the hardships, I always had something to look forward to, something to give me hope for the future, and now there is nothing. And I'm kinda getting used to it. It feels weird though, now I don't have any goal anymore. No expectations, no hopes, no dreams.. nothing. I'm empty.
I talked about it tonight with a Reiki friend of mine. We talked about letting go and she thought this could mean I will only grow faster even though I don't know anymore towards what I am apparently growing. I don't care anymore, but I also suspect it could be the case that I reached a point where the advantages of having a goal to work towards are outweighed by the disadvantages of holding on to something.
That's it, I got nothing more to say for the moment.