let Life be enough

I don't want to lose me. Now that I'm finally, after decades of extremely hard work and several types of hell, getting to discover and choose who I really am.
But this is who I am.
I am someone who has been working towards this no matter what it cost me, and it has cost me dearly. In terms of a normal life I mean.
I just wasn't that into it.
This is who I am. Surrendering to Life is who I am. It is inevitable.
That bothers me. I can kick and scream and fight what I want, it's inevitable that in the end, I surrender. That's where my life's been heading.
Stinging eyes again.
Don't I want my goal to be reached?
But then my mind/ego won't get the credit, won't get compliments and reassurance about how awesome it is for doing all this.
I won't care about validation.
And this is scaring me?
How much easier life would have been if it had been like that when I was young. Not caring about other people's opinions, negative or positive.
Is it balance? Do I feel the need for praise and endless kudos to make up for what my life has been, of people putting me down?
Am I really putting my life on hold for that? Sad. Understandable but sad. My own opinion of myself is clearly not enough for me.
What is my opinion of me now we're at it?
I'm not sure.
Good sign.

Surrendering.
It will come. In its own time. Getting there, but it can't be forced.
You won't help shoots grow by pulling them up higher.
Let Life be enough. Life is already here, all the time.