let it be mother Mary

BEING with something I feel I have no solution for. Being with it, how is that? No pushing away, no shoving it into a remote corner, but seeing it and being with it, without knowing what to do. Letting it be. This feels new. I need to see it with perfect clarity. Is accepting a next step? Accepting there's this and I don't know what to do about it, and I feel bad about it and I'm still not doing something about it and I'm okay with it, because that's the way it is and I work so damn hard on everything I shouldn't ask more from myself than my best, which I already give in this process called life. Something like that? Trust, what about trust? Is trust the next step, after acceptance? I can sense this is too much for me, too big a step for now.
Stuff is happening in my chest. The grinding and burning of change. Depression might be a furnace fuelled by the past.
Resulting in tears. Lots of crying this weekend. Now my first batch of today. So tired. Didn't come out of bed until half past two and I only did it because I was hungry.