Week 10
Detected falseness:
- The need to be needed. I think up these things to do for others in order to gain a sense of control over them/circumstances/life in general. Then when someone does need me, it gives me a sense of satisfaction and/or superiority. Depends on who it is.
So, all it comes down to is being much too sensitive to others, defining myself through others.
I might be a hermit, but I might as well be Kermit because I'm still performing in a Muppetshow. Other people's puppet, willingly - although not consciously - handing over control, giving away power over me. No wonder I try to get some of it back.
So how do I stop giving people power over me? Maybe it's enough to see it, for now, since no clear answer arises.
- When I feel nervous, frightened, rotten, bad, whatever, I try to see it as part of everything. "This too is what's needed at this moment and in this way is exactly as it should be." But sometimes I'm too jumpy and all I do is use my brain to tell myself this, like a story. That's not real. I can't push myself to feel okay about feeling awful and afraid.
I still label them 'bad days' when I feel bad.
If this were true I'd be a failure at living 362 days a year. They are not bad days, they are exactly as they should be. These labels are judgements and add unnecessary pressure. I am doing my job.
- The need to be needed. I think up these things to do for others in order to gain a sense of control over them/circumstances/life in general. Then when someone does need me, it gives me a sense of satisfaction and/or superiority. Depends on who it is.
So, all it comes down to is being much too sensitive to others, defining myself through others.
I might be a hermit, but I might as well be Kermit because I'm still performing in a Muppetshow. Other people's puppet, willingly - although not consciously - handing over control, giving away power over me. No wonder I try to get some of it back.
So how do I stop giving people power over me? Maybe it's enough to see it, for now, since no clear answer arises.
- When I feel nervous, frightened, rotten, bad, whatever, I try to see it as part of everything. "This too is what's needed at this moment and in this way is exactly as it should be." But sometimes I'm too jumpy and all I do is use my brain to tell myself this, like a story. That's not real. I can't push myself to feel okay about feeling awful and afraid.
I still label them 'bad days' when I feel bad.
If this were true I'd be a failure at living 362 days a year. They are not bad days, they are exactly as they should be. These labels are judgements and add unnecessary pressure. I am doing my job.
posted by M. at 1:35 PM
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