The World According to M.

Two different worlds in my mind, never sharing the spotlight, always replacing each-other when their turn has come around again.

One world is purely superficial. It's the minor worries and details of everyday life, feelings, emotions, fear-related thoughts and nothing else.

Then, suddenly, I am reminded that reincarnation is a thing, by something on tv or in a book, a memory, a dream of someone I was in another life or of a word in a strange language that turns out to have an actual (significant) meaning, a ghost in my house, whatever.
Or some other strange phenomenon implying the world is so much weirder and more massive and mind-boggling than we think.
Or a realization of some sort, an incredible coincidence that seems so.. on purpose.
This becomes a thread that pulls the world behind the daily world into view again.

The second world; which is only in my head, since it's based on everything I've read and experienced and deduced and can't see around me. Which apparently makes it easy to forget somehow.
The same way I forget everything about the mountain tops when I'm going through another long, shadowy valley, no matter how resolved I was about remembering that it's all going somewhere, there *is* a point to it and all's for the best.
"All's for the best" is also a thing of the hidden world and only in my head. 
Easy to forget, because easy to doubt.

It's a bit like Yin & Yang, only the daily in-plain-sight world is tiny compared to the other world.

What is this world, as it relates to the other world? 
I lack the words. Unfortunately it is so much more concrete as in literal concrete, condensed matter compared to the other stuff, which, again, is only in my mind.

The other world, the picture I've put together in my mind from all I sensed to be true is vast and incomplete, but I'll try to describe it. Maybe it helps. 
Insights I get these days are mostly about my personal stuff, the temporary character's evolution in this particular life. 
This last point I totally forget when I get sucked into drama again. 
But sometimes I 'sense' other people's connection to me from past lives, why they did what they did in this life, where some of my fears come from.
Which is part of this character's evolution, but also a thread that pulls the huge vast other world into view again.

Reincarnation - for me - is the only logical explanation for why things are as they are, and for strange experiences I have had.
Also, parallel worlds. Some of my stuff disappeared into some other reality. 'Reality.'
I've dodged a possible time warp, heard ghosts, saw one a couple of times, had an unforgettable conversation with a cigarette smoking angel at a very opportune time, was saved from a potentially fatal fall by Mary, you name it.
The world is quite weird.
The daily world is very narrow.

All lives, all time lines, all of history, everything has already happened. As if every single experience and point of view, all the different lives lived and yet to live are on a ball floating in a vast sea of consciousness or whatever. 
From there you can choose which life you want to live, because everything has already happened. God was bored or something and wanted to experience Her/Himself in myriad ways, through the eyes and lives of all that lives and has lived, everywhere, every time.
From One came all into existence, everything is God, nothing is not God, everything has already happened, all at the same time.
It's already done and this is also why one particular life can be remembered by more than one person in regression therapy.
If a life stands out, no wonder more 'souls', sparks or pieces of God choose to live it.

Everything and everyone is God/Life experiencing itself.
As Etty Hillesum said "we are all empty vessels, washed through by history" (or something like that).

On the one hand it seems as if there is free will.
On the other hand, when I look back on my life and the many weird coincidences and timely rescues, it is impossible to believe that we all have free will and randomly choose what we do and where we're going, because all the parts fit together so perfectly. 
How interacting lives/parts of the mechanism fit into each-other so seamlessly on such a vast, global (and further) scale is only possible when everything is already set, done, worked out.
So it may feel we choose, but it's all part of the preset course, including the wondering and doubting and reasserting ourselves we have free will by doing something silly or 'unexpected' or illogical to prove it to ourselves or others.

This is all just in my mind, mind you, so I'm not saying this *is* true, but this is what feels true to me.

The Universe as a hologram felt reasonable to me too, but I didn't have the urge to dive into that further than one wonderful and complete book.
If I look at something a certain way, I can 'see'/sense someone's essence in it, someone I'm thinking about very intently. It's a focus thing.

The next bit is what I suspect, without personal experience, so it's just one possibility out of many I'm sure.

When someone realizes Truth, they are still seemingly in a body but have access to all the lives lived on the suspended ball of experience *up until the point of their body's/character's life/time* and can focus on a life of their choosing if the need arises, for instance to dish out some appropriate knowledge to a seeker. 
They have access to all of Universe's history, what 'really' happened, what someone really said, to other languages maybe? This I don't want to say, because there's still the limits of the body and physical brain. 

It's all conjecture anyway. But I thought that perhaps it would be good for me to try and put into words what I have pieced together in my life, through a sensing of what is and isn't true.

Of course I could be completely wrong, and I'd be happily corrected if that would mean getting to the real truth.

For now I don't know what else to do.
The First Step can't be chosen according to Jed, and he would know, so I'll just keep following nudges and inklings and intuition.