Ten signs your new guru isn't all that

1) Looks into a mirror all day and calls it self-reflection
2) Stresses the importance of eating happy meals to attain eternal bliss
3) Walks around with an elaborate tin foil halo strapped to his head
4) Fondles himself during talks
5) Donates half of his revenues to the foundation for "All Porn, All The Time"
6) Lies about his age, has a pet named Botox
7) When asking him a question, women followers have to sit on his lap
8) Your new spiritual name is #6621Gr08/
9) You overheard him saying 'those stupid morons have their heads up my butt so far they can smell nirwana'
10) Has his own clothing line: "Ohm-I-God"

©2005 M.