Lonely business

Trying not to wallow.
It makes me feel bad that hardly anyone understands what I'm doing. I can't even properly express it in words myself and it's the most important thing in my life. It's becoming clear, ruthlessly clear to me that I'm walking this path alone. Completely, entirely alone. Knowing that and realising it are two different things. It scares me and hurts. Sometimes I reach out when I'm on the bottom of the well, I reach out for someone, for a sign of life, for contact, for confirmation I'm here, I exist. Seems a bit weird to write that, or maybe not. What would happen if I didn't reach out, if I didn't try so hard to find solid ground or consolation?
I've been told I'm invisible, so it wouldn't be much of a stretch if I was told I don't exist. Once upon a time I fell on the other side of the fences marking society and people can sense that.
They don't appreciate being looked into the eyes. It's the easiest way to see if someone is 'there' or not home at all. So I get strange looks, or guys thinking I want something from them. It gets me in trouble sometimes. But it's the quickest way I know. Why waste time and energy. Real people are very rare. Like beautiful men; they are very rare as well. Unfortunately.
Is there a way to feel less lonely in this process? A way that doesn't slow me down because of it's comfort? Maybe I just answered my own question. Any comfort or consolation or company would slow me down, wouldn't it. Goddammit.