Pearls in crap

There have been moments of calm contentedness, in the midst of some of the worst inner turmoil I experienced this year. Little pearls in the mud; moments like that are a very rare occurrence in my life, so I consider them to be a good sign.
Yesterday I was riding home on my bicycle and feeling desperate, awful, torn, I can't find the right words to describe it. I felt really crap. Then I looked up and saw a hot air balloon floating across the blue blue sky. In darkblue against a yellow background it carried the word: "Joy".
I smiled and felt crap and relaxed into the feeling-crappiness; feeling so deeply unhappy had it's own beauty. It was remarkable to me, that moment. To not deny how I was feeling, telling myself things will get better, but instead to relax into the crap and appreciate it for what it was. Right there and then, that was my life, and it was what it was. Nothing more, nothing less.