Phone notes VI
This is hell.
"So tired of this whole business. So much stupidity and short term solution thinking everywhere. Is that a reflection of me? It's so obvious at times I just can't believe people don't see it.
Punishing instead of sitting down together taking an honest look at where it went wrong, then course correcting. What are they doing? It's hopeless. Putting blame everywhere, firing people so they have to start all over again without having learned from their mistakes. Is that what I do? Politics is a joke. Used to be so impressed with people in charge when I was a kid."
"Commercials for hair, nail, lip products, watches, insurances all claiming to be cheapest (someone has to be lying). It's disgusting. Stupid. Moronic. Ridiculous. Dishonest. False. I'm so sick of all this nonsense I'm starting to 'appreciate' the world false in all its muddy ugliness. So sick of it I can't express it in words. It's getting so bad I'm starting to get sick of every single thing in this godawful world inhabited by small minds and blind puppets."
It might be false, it might all be an illusion, but I don't see it yet.
I see lots of falseness, a whole lot of false everywhere, thick, disgusting layers of it, but saying this is all an illusion would be just words, because I don't see that yet. I haven't experienced that yet, so I'm not going to say that; that would be meaningless. I wish I wish I wish I felt it, experienced it like that, Knew it. Then it wouldn't hurt so much. Everything might be false, a 'shimmering mirage', but it sure as hell feels real, sickeningly real, this pain. Like the woman in the Buddhist center where I lived for two months (that was all I needed to know it was not the right place for me). She insisted it was "all in the mind", she kept saying that and it started to annoy me, because she was just saying it, you know? Saying it without having experienced it as far as I could tell. I sat across from her at the kitchen table and I think I might have asked her about dog shit, how about that? Is the stench all in your mind too? Yes, yes it is, she insisted. I couldn't help but wonder if she would still be saying that if I shoved her face first in a nice, fresh dog turd. Don't worry, it's all in your mind, remember? Yeah, really clever, repeating stuff that's in the books or comes from the mouth of your guru. Live it, then I'll listen to what you have to say. But I still have to experience it for myself. So many people's opinions and stories are turning out to be untrue, it's easier to start by stating everything is false and work my way up/down/further from there. I'm feeling sick, literally, of all this falseness, all around me, and hardly anybody notices all that ridiculous stuff. Suffocating. I want out.
"So tired of this whole business. So much stupidity and short term solution thinking everywhere. Is that a reflection of me? It's so obvious at times I just can't believe people don't see it.
Punishing instead of sitting down together taking an honest look at where it went wrong, then course correcting. What are they doing? It's hopeless. Putting blame everywhere, firing people so they have to start all over again without having learned from their mistakes. Is that what I do? Politics is a joke. Used to be so impressed with people in charge when I was a kid."
"Commercials for hair, nail, lip products, watches, insurances all claiming to be cheapest (someone has to be lying). It's disgusting. Stupid. Moronic. Ridiculous. Dishonest. False. I'm so sick of all this nonsense I'm starting to 'appreciate' the world false in all its muddy ugliness. So sick of it I can't express it in words. It's getting so bad I'm starting to get sick of every single thing in this godawful world inhabited by small minds and blind puppets."
It might be false, it might all be an illusion, but I don't see it yet.
I see lots of falseness, a whole lot of false everywhere, thick, disgusting layers of it, but saying this is all an illusion would be just words, because I don't see that yet. I haven't experienced that yet, so I'm not going to say that; that would be meaningless. I wish I wish I wish I felt it, experienced it like that, Knew it. Then it wouldn't hurt so much. Everything might be false, a 'shimmering mirage', but it sure as hell feels real, sickeningly real, this pain. Like the woman in the Buddhist center where I lived for two months (that was all I needed to know it was not the right place for me). She insisted it was "all in the mind", she kept saying that and it started to annoy me, because she was just saying it, you know? Saying it without having experienced it as far as I could tell. I sat across from her at the kitchen table and I think I might have asked her about dog shit, how about that? Is the stench all in your mind too? Yes, yes it is, she insisted. I couldn't help but wonder if she would still be saying that if I shoved her face first in a nice, fresh dog turd. Don't worry, it's all in your mind, remember? Yeah, really clever, repeating stuff that's in the books or comes from the mouth of your guru. Live it, then I'll listen to what you have to say. But I still have to experience it for myself. So many people's opinions and stories are turning out to be untrue, it's easier to start by stating everything is false and work my way up/down/further from there. I'm feeling sick, literally, of all this falseness, all around me, and hardly anybody notices all that ridiculous stuff. Suffocating. I want out.
posted by M. at 1:49 AM
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