Layer cake (and eat it too)

And anóther layer of anxiety and fear has opened up. Nerves and whirlpools of fear partying in my belly. I'm having difficulty breathing. Headache as well. It's the same symptoms as when I drink fruit juice for a couple of days, for detoxification (just juice, no food).
So maybe that's what's happening. Do I need an explanation? Yeah, cos of the headache, I'm familiar with the 'freshly opened can of fear'-feeling.
Feeling a bit restless as well, maybe something's up. Maybe changes áre coming. In my circumstances I mean, I know I'm changing. Detoxification on the outside as well would be nice. But I don't know what I'm saying; as I am writing this, all these fears that are worked loose are swirling through me, it's a definite full moon when I'm writing this, and the monthly hassle is knocking on the door. I just don't want to open the bloody thing. Heh.
Oww.. my head is killing me.

"My whole life, I've done what someone else said I should, been who he said I should be [...].
I never stopped to think about what I wanted and what I needed. And now I don't know who I'm supposed to be." - Dexter Morgan.

Couldn't have said it better myself. This is the exact situation I found myself in, the exact moment I started my journey to find out not who I was, because I was nothing, rather, who I wanted to be, chose to be. And when that process is finally over and done with, I'll once again be nothing.
But a Nothing very unlike the no-thing I was before I (consciously) started down this Path.