The whole of the moon
Every time I'm able to relax, a deeper layer of anxiety opens up and is then released gradually over a period of time through me being anxious, stressed out and worried about lots of (minor) stuff. I don't relax often. But when the neighbours leave for two weeks like some time ago, the sudden quiet and peace create a relaxation that goes deeper and deeper and opens up layers of nervousness and fear originating from a long time ago.
At the moment I'm reading two very different books, one about the nightmare, the other about the sweetest dream; the autobiography of the worst serial killer ever, and "Love is letting go of fear". They balance each other out quite nicely. But seriously, I'm into forgiveness lately (I have a specific focal point every now and then, besides long, dreary working-stuff-out periods), cos that just seems to be where I'm at, at the moment.
Apparently, I'm ripe for it, because sometimes even thinking about it creates a sense of peace in me. I gather it's the same thing as surrendering to God's Will/Plan, giving up control, letting the Universe guide my little boat, you name it.
I'm having trouble finding the right words AND I'm overly sensitive, and when I looked outside I saw why: the moon is nearly full and that gets me all sensitive and weepy.
Anyway, I'm mulling some stuff over and "Forgive your past and everyone involved including yourself" in particular. I don't have to actively pursue anything. When I'm ready for something, that thing just works itself out in me, all I need to do is remind myself sometimes, with notes for instance; I tend to write quotes or sentences on little pieces of paper and stuff them in my bag or pockets, so I can read them several times during the day. A step up from scribbling on my hand.
My laptop also is not into the near full moon and just crashed on me. Starting up again takes oh, about half an hour, so now I can't keep my eyes open. Bed soon. Tomorrow is my last talk with the psychologist lady.
I feel some mayor changes coming. I don't know what where when or how, but there's something in the air besides volcano ash.
At the moment I'm reading two very different books, one about the nightmare, the other about the sweetest dream; the autobiography of the worst serial killer ever, and "Love is letting go of fear". They balance each other out quite nicely. But seriously, I'm into forgiveness lately (I have a specific focal point every now and then, besides long, dreary working-stuff-out periods), cos that just seems to be where I'm at, at the moment.
Apparently, I'm ripe for it, because sometimes even thinking about it creates a sense of peace in me. I gather it's the same thing as surrendering to God's Will/Plan, giving up control, letting the Universe guide my little boat, you name it.
I'm having trouble finding the right words AND I'm overly sensitive, and when I looked outside I saw why: the moon is nearly full and that gets me all sensitive and weepy.
Anyway, I'm mulling some stuff over and "Forgive your past and everyone involved including yourself" in particular. I don't have to actively pursue anything. When I'm ready for something, that thing just works itself out in me, all I need to do is remind myself sometimes, with notes for instance; I tend to write quotes or sentences on little pieces of paper and stuff them in my bag or pockets, so I can read them several times during the day. A step up from scribbling on my hand.
My laptop also is not into the near full moon and just crashed on me. Starting up again takes oh, about half an hour, so now I can't keep my eyes open. Bed soon. Tomorrow is my last talk with the psychologist lady.
I feel some mayor changes coming. I don't know what where when or how, but there's something in the air besides volcano ash.
posted by M. at 12:19 AM
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