Family

Came back from sis & co yesterday. It was hard to leave them, again. Bro in law told me in the car on the way back that my sister had cried too. She didn't want me to go.
It felt so... family.
Sat up watching "Scream" episodes with my sister and ten-year-old nephew until 2 a.m. Then he was sent to bed and my niece came down from her cave to sit with us a while. It was nice. (School starts again in a week.) I even miss the cats.
The sadness and sense of loss stayed with me today. So much so that I considered what it would be like to move there. My sister would love that, she's always telling me how wonderful it would be.
I considered it partly because my intuition hasn't made any big decisions for me lately. It's been years.
Can't remember the last big decision. The last big change. It's all been slow, small steps. But I can't decide something just because the voice is absent - you know, force it out of hibernation by making some bad choices.
The way I am now, it wouldn't be healthy for me to move there. I'd still lose myself.
But the family feeling is nice.
To belong somewhere, to be welcome, to be hugged. To sit up and watch silly series together, make rude jokes, inhale food like there's no tomorrow, share weird experiences, anecdotes. We had a blast making up ads for Marktplaats (Dutch Craigslist) - I didn't even know it was a thing.
I wanted to do an elaborate photo-shoot with a fork; different angles, dreamy lighting, sexy poses, using twenty-something photos to capture the inner fork-ness of the fork for potential buyers.
We came up with some pretty awful puns and 'creative' descriptions for items we could sell, declaring everything decrepit, rotten or dead "vintage".
It was fun. Lame jokes are nice when you're alone, but hilarious when you're with people who share your terrible sense of humor.

Anyway, my head hasn't cleared yet and my heart hasn't either.
They're all so brilliant.
If if if.