The next step
I think trust is the Next Step. Complete trust. Letting go any and all leftovers of the illusion that I have anything to say about where my life is going. The business of wanting things ties into that, and of course I happen to be reading the perfect way to say what I mean in Jed’s chapter “Manifest Destiny”.
Hate when that happens; I know what I’m trying to explain, but can’t find the right words for it. I tried to put it into words before by saying: when I want something, I know I will get it, because I wouldn’t want it in the first place if it wasn't possible for me to get it. Or some such.
My only ‘problem’ was that I hardly ever wanted something for real. And that’s different from just wanting something. But every time I felt I really wanted something, it didn’t feel as an incompleteness; on the contrary, it felt as if I had found an answer instead of a question, as if discovering what I truly wanted was finding that piece of the puzzle that was missing. I didn’t need to busy myself with the outcome, because my experience had shown me that whenever this happened, it would come to me, I wouldn’t have to chase the thing or whatever it was I wanted, it would come to me, fall into my lap in lovely orchestrated ways. Discovering what I wanted was like receiving it. The physical manifestation was a mere afterthought.
That would always happen. It has never happened that I didn’t get what I want, when I felt the want in my heart.
It feels like a heart muscle relaxing, it feels like peace, a quiet knowing. Yes. That’s how I know my intuition can be trusted, the voice that tells me where I want to go next. It’s in accordance with the universe. And this is how I know I will wake up in this life. Because I want it, it’s that simple.
Jed: “It’s not so much that someone well established in the Integrated State can have what they want, but that their wants and needs are in natural harmony with their dreamstate circumstances. […] it’s also that I wouldn’t want anything I couldn’t have.”
And he uses the words Authentic Desire. That’s what I was looking for!! That’s exactly what I mean! The silly wants and needs don’t count, they feel different and dissipate soon enough, the authentic desires give me peace, because they give me a glimpse of my future; that’s what I want and so that’s what I will have/be. No question about it. There’s a lot of trust in that area.
For example: I hated living next-door to neighbour spawn, but couldn’t get myself to search for another place to live, recounting for myself all the obstacles preventing me from finding something better, when the only thing lacking was me truly wanting to move. Something inside me knew I was in the right place and had to stay; there was work to be done here.
My ego-fear-based wish didn’t make the cut, because it was overruled by an authentic desire. No silly wish can step in the ring with an authentic desire and expect to win. K.O. in the first round.
I have complete faith in my authentic desires.
They are rare occurrences, though, it doesn’t happen very often that I suddenly feel I really want something, but it’s a glorious thing; it shows me another piece of who I really am, or am supposed to be, and will be. Knowing want I want means knowing who I am and I wish it happened more often. Yes. That wish is authentic too. I will know more often, I am becoming more authentic, leaving falseness behind.
Will this trust spread out into trusting Life without a conscious effort on my part?
I only just wrote this down, when my favourite song of all time starts playing on the radio: “Magnificent” by U2. Thank you.
The universe is sure making me feel welcome. Thank you. I step into the warm embrace of open arms containing countless galaxies, and me. It will grow, the trust will grow. What else can I do but do as my intuition tells me? It will show me the way as it has always done so faithfully. And I will write.
Hate when that happens; I know what I’m trying to explain, but can’t find the right words for it. I tried to put it into words before by saying: when I want something, I know I will get it, because I wouldn’t want it in the first place if it wasn't possible for me to get it. Or some such.
My only ‘problem’ was that I hardly ever wanted something for real. And that’s different from just wanting something. But every time I felt I really wanted something, it didn’t feel as an incompleteness; on the contrary, it felt as if I had found an answer instead of a question, as if discovering what I truly wanted was finding that piece of the puzzle that was missing. I didn’t need to busy myself with the outcome, because my experience had shown me that whenever this happened, it would come to me, I wouldn’t have to chase the thing or whatever it was I wanted, it would come to me, fall into my lap in lovely orchestrated ways. Discovering what I wanted was like receiving it. The physical manifestation was a mere afterthought.
That would always happen. It has never happened that I didn’t get what I want, when I felt the want in my heart.
It feels like a heart muscle relaxing, it feels like peace, a quiet knowing. Yes. That’s how I know my intuition can be trusted, the voice that tells me where I want to go next. It’s in accordance with the universe. And this is how I know I will wake up in this life. Because I want it, it’s that simple.
Jed: “It’s not so much that someone well established in the Integrated State can have what they want, but that their wants and needs are in natural harmony with their dreamstate circumstances. […] it’s also that I wouldn’t want anything I couldn’t have.”
And he uses the words Authentic Desire. That’s what I was looking for!! That’s exactly what I mean! The silly wants and needs don’t count, they feel different and dissipate soon enough, the authentic desires give me peace, because they give me a glimpse of my future; that’s what I want and so that’s what I will have/be. No question about it. There’s a lot of trust in that area.
For example: I hated living next-door to neighbour spawn, but couldn’t get myself to search for another place to live, recounting for myself all the obstacles preventing me from finding something better, when the only thing lacking was me truly wanting to move. Something inside me knew I was in the right place and had to stay; there was work to be done here.
My ego-fear-based wish didn’t make the cut, because it was overruled by an authentic desire. No silly wish can step in the ring with an authentic desire and expect to win. K.O. in the first round.
I have complete faith in my authentic desires.
They are rare occurrences, though, it doesn’t happen very often that I suddenly feel I really want something, but it’s a glorious thing; it shows me another piece of who I really am, or am supposed to be, and will be. Knowing want I want means knowing who I am and I wish it happened more often. Yes. That wish is authentic too. I will know more often, I am becoming more authentic, leaving falseness behind.
Will this trust spread out into trusting Life without a conscious effort on my part?
I only just wrote this down, when my favourite song of all time starts playing on the radio: “Magnificent” by U2. Thank you.
The universe is sure making me feel welcome. Thank you. I step into the warm embrace of open arms containing countless galaxies, and me. It will grow, the trust will grow. What else can I do but do as my intuition tells me? It will show me the way as it has always done so faithfully. And I will write.
posted by M. at 1:18 PM
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