Soup

My head is like soup. Sometimes a chunk of clarity floats to the surface but mostly it's murky and I don't know what the hell I'm doing or why or what I did just a day ago. My memory is shit. Brainfog. 

There was a huge surge forward, further, but I don't remember which month it was (could be October or September). Anyway, it's the realization that I loved myself, truly loved myself and I celebrated by ordering spare ribs. 

Of course that was a short-lived moment of tangible progress because immediately afterwards the well opened up once again as it always does after such a moment and this might be the deepest layer of fear and dread and general yikes-ness, but that's what I thought every time, so... It has been basically non-stop ever since. So I'm just riding it out. 

Nothing really helps this time. EFT, energy medicine exercises, stuff like that. So it just needs to happen by itself. 

I don't remember much else, maybe next time.