Slush
Okay, well my life is crap. Although, let me see... nope. It's definitely crap.
God I feel awful. Today I got the increasing feeling that my life is meaningless. I walked around with an intense feeling of boredom, I was bored with everything, even the search for enlightenment. I was sick of it. Nothing made sense anymore. What the hell was I doing here? No way of getting out of the merry-go-round, no interest in it anymore.. I don't know.. I'm just not interested in the things 'normal' people are interested in. Which, yes, is also due to the fact that there's no point in desiring for instance a career if none is possible. But the rest of it.. putting time and effort in sustaining superficial relationships with people, petty little goals and worries in life like cars, vacations, mothers in law, fashion, make up, gossip, competition, religion, commercials.. it doesn't appeal to me. Nothing appeals to me anymore.
The whole enlightenment business is just another case of life's running-around-chasing-success deals. I'm going to do away with my buddha statues and the pictures I have of the Dalai Lama. Maybe I'll even throw out my extensive spiritual book collection, what's it's use anyway? Everything's fake. I don't want to be a part of this anymore. I cried my eyes out tonight. What for? What's the big deal about living? What's so good about it? Why for God's sake are people so terrified of dying? And I'm sick of this character too. I don't want this anymore, I want out. I'm tired. This life has nothing to offer but the same old shit, over and over again.
Dark night of the soul? I'll just say this: people like to romanticize.
For those who like happy endings: yes, I'll feel better soon, it couldn't be any other way since I seem to be made of some rubberlike material, I'm one of those round shaped puppets that when you push them down, they pop right back up.
Don't know what else to say except it's a lonely, lonely road and it sucks big time! Who invented this anyway? Is there a return policy I can peek into?
M.
God I feel awful. Today I got the increasing feeling that my life is meaningless. I walked around with an intense feeling of boredom, I was bored with everything, even the search for enlightenment. I was sick of it. Nothing made sense anymore. What the hell was I doing here? No way of getting out of the merry-go-round, no interest in it anymore.. I don't know.. I'm just not interested in the things 'normal' people are interested in. Which, yes, is also due to the fact that there's no point in desiring for instance a career if none is possible. But the rest of it.. putting time and effort in sustaining superficial relationships with people, petty little goals and worries in life like cars, vacations, mothers in law, fashion, make up, gossip, competition, religion, commercials.. it doesn't appeal to me. Nothing appeals to me anymore.
The whole enlightenment business is just another case of life's running-around-chasing-success deals. I'm going to do away with my buddha statues and the pictures I have of the Dalai Lama. Maybe I'll even throw out my extensive spiritual book collection, what's it's use anyway? Everything's fake. I don't want to be a part of this anymore. I cried my eyes out tonight. What for? What's the big deal about living? What's so good about it? Why for God's sake are people so terrified of dying? And I'm sick of this character too. I don't want this anymore, I want out. I'm tired. This life has nothing to offer but the same old shit, over and over again.
Dark night of the soul? I'll just say this: people like to romanticize.
For those who like happy endings: yes, I'll feel better soon, it couldn't be any other way since I seem to be made of some rubberlike material, I'm one of those round shaped puppets that when you push them down, they pop right back up.
Don't know what else to say except it's a lonely, lonely road and it sucks big time! Who invented this anyway? Is there a return policy I can peek into?
M.
posted by M. at 11:00 AM
1 Comments:
There are some parts of life that totally suck and other parts that are more than just tolerable. No life is perfect, but calling it all "fake" is harsh.
Whether you find it in enlightenment or not, I do hope you find something worth while that makes all of this more than just passing time.
I mean no disrepect at all, I only comment in hopes of reaching out to a troubled soul. The unhappiness you describe plagues a lot of people, myself included. Regardless of our resiliency to bounce back and be ok, there always seems to be that nagging reminder of the insipidness of life.
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