Time

Appointments tomorrow, one of which for fysiotherapy. The only thing on my mind is that it makes me lose time I can spend on waking up. I feel cornered. Thursday I also have appointments. Such a waste of time. I just want to sit behind my computer and write myself to pieces. I feel pressured for time, but the only one pressuring is me. It feels like a lot of trouble though: four different places to go to tomorrow, how am I going to handle that? Maybe I can come back early in the evening (by which I mean 10pm) and write some more. I don't know, running around seems like so much work when all I want to do is write.
I just want to wake up, please let me wake up. The desire keeps growing inside of me, it's eating away at me, burning from within.
What else can I do to speed things up? Maybe I'll start praying, yeah, I could do that. Burn me, slay me, destroy me, push me over the edge. Do something dramatical, hit me with lightning, strike me down, delete me. I have a present for you, it's my ego, my healthy, fully developed ego, I nourished it especially for you so I had something to give you when I stand before you. Please take my offering, I'll have the black hole, thank you.
Give me a clue as to what I can do to thrust forward, increasing my speed as I go. Please tell me, there is no other reason for my life anymore, only this: I WANT TO WAKE UP!!! If there is something like truth, if Truth truly exists, then I want to be it, live it, know it. Nothing else. Nothing.