Ignorance is bliss; there you go: the greatest Truth of all times
I was writing an email about waking up and when I turned to the tv (which still works thank God), there was a song on with the catchy title: "wake up". Well isn't that just too cute. Haven't had a sign like that in ages it seems, or maybe I didn't notice.
Thought about my book. There's a good chance I won't be writing it after all. It seems a crying shame for all the time and energy I put into it and the pages already written, but I have the sense that possibly this is not going to happen. It could have been meant for something else. Maybe it was a testdrive and I have to write something else, another book, or an essay, a speech, poems, whatever. I don't know. What a shame it would be.. I stopped writing when in the book I'm ten years old, the fun stuff was just around the corner! Like my first love, that was nice, a pretty picture. What a goddamn shame.
Well, it doesn't seem like I have anything to say about how things turn out, does it? Life's a struggle if your will is different from that of the universe. Tyranny, that's what it is. Free will? A cosmic joke. "Listen to your heart!" "Follow your destiny!" Why else would this be said if it weren't for the big scheme of things that's already set. What's so good about that? Every time I listen to my intuition and take a decision I'm only doing what I was meant to be doing. What a farce!! You gotta be fucking kidding me! Free will??! I have free will alright, the free will to choose what the universe wants me to do, or to be miserable. Isn't that nice.
I'm being bullied into waking up, what a con-game. Puppets on a string. The funniest and most disgusting thing about it must be that if you do something else than what you think is expected from you, you're probably doing exactly what you were meant to do in the first place. It's a set-up! There is no way to win this thing! Autonomy? A deliberate lie, constructed to make people think they have any control over their lives. It's a big fucking lie. If God exists, he's one bored motherfucking puppeteer, pulling our strings when it's convenient. It's all part of this oh so divine plan, everything's coming together in the end, we are all one, so I guess we don't really need free will, that would only make for such a mess.
This sure makes it very clear as to why life is absolutely utterly meaningless indeed. And no way out! I can't believe it! It's not even possible to not exist in this pack of lies. Well yeah, one might wake up from the whole god-awful thing, but even then you're only doing what you were meant to do. Why is this considered to be a good thing? Why did I consider this to be a good thing? Why was I so pleased with myself when I 'followed my heart', or listened to the voice of my 'intuition' despite all the hardships? IT'S A TRAP!! IT'S A FUCKING TRAP AND THERE'S NO WAY OUT OF IT!! Whatever you do, it doesn't matter, it was all foreseen, predicted, laid down by some hiding-behind-the-scenes universal law.
Sounds like a dictatorship to me. Make people believe they have something to say while they are all attached to strings and dancing to a tune they can't hear. That's the way to make them keep dancing. Disgusting, truly disgusting. I don't see why this is so wonderful, why it's all such a beautiful plan and we even have to be thankful to be a part of it. The nerve!
What incredible bullshit. I don't understand it. Why? Why?? What's the use? If the outcome and even the roads towards this outcome were already set before the game began, what is the use of this elaborate puzzle? How am I supposed to see beauty in a fraudulent game?
And now I'm supposed to play along right? Be a good girl and do what I'm told. And be sure not to complain about all the seriously horrible situations I've been in because it's all part of my glorious destiny. Excuse me while I vomit.
And now my book has been taken away from me, you can count on it that if I try to write anyway, my inspiration will be gone, solely because it 'just wasn't meant to be'. The one thing to give me some minor hope for escaping poverty in the future is slipping through my fingers.
I'm so sick of it.. so sick of not being able to do anything just for fun, having to live on thirty bucks a week, not going to karate when I don't have enough money to buy food so I save five bucks on trainfare. Let me give an example here: Saturday I bought a decent coat for the coming winter and I couldn't even remember the last time I bought a real coat, a new one, a good one, or any kind of new cloths. I had to save money for it for over five months. With winter coming and all, lots of rain (this is Holland after all), it's still going to take me three months to save for what ya call them waterresistant pants?
Sick and tired again of this shithole, sick and tired of the retarded drug using morons next door, sick and tired of poverty, sick and tired of this whole god-awful crappy life.
There is no meaning to life, individuals do not exist, free will is an elaborate hoax and fuck the divine plan. I don't want to be a part of it anymore but hey, what a surprise! I don't have a choice!
Thought about my book. There's a good chance I won't be writing it after all. It seems a crying shame for all the time and energy I put into it and the pages already written, but I have the sense that possibly this is not going to happen. It could have been meant for something else. Maybe it was a testdrive and I have to write something else, another book, or an essay, a speech, poems, whatever. I don't know. What a shame it would be.. I stopped writing when in the book I'm ten years old, the fun stuff was just around the corner! Like my first love, that was nice, a pretty picture. What a goddamn shame.
Well, it doesn't seem like I have anything to say about how things turn out, does it? Life's a struggle if your will is different from that of the universe. Tyranny, that's what it is. Free will? A cosmic joke. "Listen to your heart!" "Follow your destiny!" Why else would this be said if it weren't for the big scheme of things that's already set. What's so good about that? Every time I listen to my intuition and take a decision I'm only doing what I was meant to be doing. What a farce!! You gotta be fucking kidding me! Free will??! I have free will alright, the free will to choose what the universe wants me to do, or to be miserable. Isn't that nice.
I'm being bullied into waking up, what a con-game. Puppets on a string. The funniest and most disgusting thing about it must be that if you do something else than what you think is expected from you, you're probably doing exactly what you were meant to do in the first place. It's a set-up! There is no way to win this thing! Autonomy? A deliberate lie, constructed to make people think they have any control over their lives. It's a big fucking lie. If God exists, he's one bored motherfucking puppeteer, pulling our strings when it's convenient. It's all part of this oh so divine plan, everything's coming together in the end, we are all one, so I guess we don't really need free will, that would only make for such a mess.
This sure makes it very clear as to why life is absolutely utterly meaningless indeed. And no way out! I can't believe it! It's not even possible to not exist in this pack of lies. Well yeah, one might wake up from the whole god-awful thing, but even then you're only doing what you were meant to do. Why is this considered to be a good thing? Why did I consider this to be a good thing? Why was I so pleased with myself when I 'followed my heart', or listened to the voice of my 'intuition' despite all the hardships? IT'S A TRAP!! IT'S A FUCKING TRAP AND THERE'S NO WAY OUT OF IT!! Whatever you do, it doesn't matter, it was all foreseen, predicted, laid down by some hiding-behind-the-scenes universal law.
Sounds like a dictatorship to me. Make people believe they have something to say while they are all attached to strings and dancing to a tune they can't hear. That's the way to make them keep dancing. Disgusting, truly disgusting. I don't see why this is so wonderful, why it's all such a beautiful plan and we even have to be thankful to be a part of it. The nerve!
What incredible bullshit. I don't understand it. Why? Why?? What's the use? If the outcome and even the roads towards this outcome were already set before the game began, what is the use of this elaborate puzzle? How am I supposed to see beauty in a fraudulent game?
And now I'm supposed to play along right? Be a good girl and do what I'm told. And be sure not to complain about all the seriously horrible situations I've been in because it's all part of my glorious destiny. Excuse me while I vomit.
And now my book has been taken away from me, you can count on it that if I try to write anyway, my inspiration will be gone, solely because it 'just wasn't meant to be'. The one thing to give me some minor hope for escaping poverty in the future is slipping through my fingers.
I'm so sick of it.. so sick of not being able to do anything just for fun, having to live on thirty bucks a week, not going to karate when I don't have enough money to buy food so I save five bucks on trainfare. Let me give an example here: Saturday I bought a decent coat for the coming winter and I couldn't even remember the last time I bought a real coat, a new one, a good one, or any kind of new cloths. I had to save money for it for over five months. With winter coming and all, lots of rain (this is Holland after all), it's still going to take me three months to save for what ya call them waterresistant pants?
Sick and tired again of this shithole, sick and tired of the retarded drug using morons next door, sick and tired of poverty, sick and tired of this whole god-awful crappy life.
There is no meaning to life, individuals do not exist, free will is an elaborate hoax and fuck the divine plan. I don't want to be a part of it anymore but hey, what a surprise! I don't have a choice!
posted by M. at 1:05 AM
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