Reminiscing
So I finished reading Spiritually Incorrect Enlightenment for the second time. This time I read it really slow, just a few pages before going to sleep at such hours that I wouldn't be able to read more than just that: a few pages. I don't know what to do with it. I feel sad. How on earth can a person not feel lonely when on a quest like this? Aside from the fact that others just don't understand what the hell you are doing.
I have some experience with it though: since the age of seventeen/eighteen, I've been changing so fast, that I couldn't be in a relationship with friends, lovers or otherwise for more than a few months, maybe a year. As a consequence a lot of different people have been walking on and off the stage that is my life, but eventually there would always be that moment where I felt I had to move on, alone. However deep, intense and rewarding the particular relationship, the ties had to be severed, I had to forge ahead, further. Alone.
We met at the right moment in time to be able to learn from each other exactly what had to be learned, and then we went our separate ways. Many, many colorful characters popped in and out of my life, in passing I've met people from every walk of life, I've lived in almost every dark and damp corner of society. I became homeless because of my Search, I left everything and everyone behind to go and live in Greece because my Search told me to do so, without me knowing at the time for how long.
I have no valuable assets, I've moved around some 24 times and it's very likely going to be even more than that. I've lost everything again and again. I'm like a kid now since throughout my Search I kept getting younger at heart, appearing younger as well, dropping pieces of the burden I was carrying, this heavy weight upon my shoulders, along the way. I have lived many lifetimes in this one life, five different movies could be made out of my lifestory and each and every one of them would be over three hours long, colorful and rich in detail, depth and experience.
Opinions, preferences, beliefs.. you can find them by the wayside, I have left so many of them behind and still do.
I'm a little sad looking back on all of it, yes, for I know what I have left behind but I do not know that which is still ahead of me.
***
I have some experience with it though: since the age of seventeen/eighteen, I've been changing so fast, that I couldn't be in a relationship with friends, lovers or otherwise for more than a few months, maybe a year. As a consequence a lot of different people have been walking on and off the stage that is my life, but eventually there would always be that moment where I felt I had to move on, alone. However deep, intense and rewarding the particular relationship, the ties had to be severed, I had to forge ahead, further. Alone.
We met at the right moment in time to be able to learn from each other exactly what had to be learned, and then we went our separate ways. Many, many colorful characters popped in and out of my life, in passing I've met people from every walk of life, I've lived in almost every dark and damp corner of society. I became homeless because of my Search, I left everything and everyone behind to go and live in Greece because my Search told me to do so, without me knowing at the time for how long.
I have no valuable assets, I've moved around some 24 times and it's very likely going to be even more than that. I've lost everything again and again. I'm like a kid now since throughout my Search I kept getting younger at heart, appearing younger as well, dropping pieces of the burden I was carrying, this heavy weight upon my shoulders, along the way. I have lived many lifetimes in this one life, five different movies could be made out of my lifestory and each and every one of them would be over three hours long, colorful and rich in detail, depth and experience.
Opinions, preferences, beliefs.. you can find them by the wayside, I have left so many of them behind and still do.
I'm a little sad looking back on all of it, yes, for I know what I have left behind but I do not know that which is still ahead of me.
***
posted by M. at 12:18 AM
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