ugh

I'm so, so scared. I'm so scared I feel sick to my stomach. Is it normal to be this frightened all of the time?
At this point it's the training. I'm scared to go, to see them again, to have their eyes on me. I'm petrified actually. Also, I'm scared because I might decide not to go anymore. Now, it is this. When that's over it will be something else, some other thing will take it's place. Worry over my sister and her kids, for example. Worry about the flu killing the little kid who gets sick all the time. Next it might be my Ex who's slowly, surely destroying himself through alcohol and drugs, alienating everyone around him (know how that feels). It takes over. I have no control over it. Fear is ruling my life, eating away at my body, making my heart beat faster, giving me a headache.
Ugh. Is that normal? To be scared of such stupid things? Stop judging. Will this ever end, all this fear taking me over from the inside? I can't. I can't. I don't know what to do. This is not helping. Oh, how can I go on. Feel like a freak.
Feeling sorry for myself as well. Ah. God this is hard. I'm struggling, I don't know what I'm doing but I'm doing it and I will go on, although I don't know how. I was going to say: I don't know how to do this without falling apart. Hahaha!! That's right, dear, you're going to have to fall apart. That's right. Oh shit. Hope I have any guts left, will sorely need them.