Interesting death week

It went well. I observed myself during the family lunch after the cremation (I prefer funerals cos you're out there with grass and trees instead of being stuck in a stuffy room with emotionally stunted people; again, including myself), whenever I saw myself making too much of an effort when talking to someone, I'd sink back into myself effortlessly. Something I wasn't able to do before. I was there, I was present.
After the long train ride home I saw the stars were out in a spectacular way and went for a walk along the canal footpath.
I couldn't comprehend that I was alone, it was such a clear sky, the stars were so bright and seemed to shimmer like jewels between the bare branches of the trees. Dozens of people should be out there, walking in the dark, craning their necks to look up at the stars above, it's free! It's the good stuff and it's all for free.
In my bed, I cried my eyes out for a while, pretty loud as well. That was old, real-ly old, and authentic. I cried for the loss of my father as my hero, an old image, my father who I as a child (apparently) had secretly hoped would come to save us from our horrible circumstances. It was very old stuff, might even have been the oldest stuff, from the knot in my stomach.
Today, the day after, I was almost hyper, felt such a surge of energy, I suspect it's the release of all the energy that was necessary to keep the knot nice and tight. Plus, maybe, the energy the knot consisted of. Well I'm just guessing here. But I'm getting the picture and want to chronicle the process. Now the waters have to settle again and then there will be more spaciousness and ease. Until the next big cry, the next knot unraveling, the rush of energy, plans, ideas, inspiration, followed by the settling of the waters.
There's more power in my voice, more relaxation in my body, more authority when I speak my mind. It's difficult to fall asleep though, with all this energy rushing through my body!!
This is really happening. It has been an interesting week.