Neutral

These past few weeks it has been on my mind all the time. When I lost myself in a train of thought, I noticed it, watched it, observed. No pushing, no punishment. Just remembering what I was doing. So maybe this time it is different.
After the bouncy mood I got into 'neutral' yesterday. That was also interesting, lots of stuff is suddenly interesting, I find. Usually sudden loud noises spook me, shake me up. I was cycling home, there was a BANG!! and unlike any other time, the effect was gone just like that. It usually reverberates somewhere inside me, attaches itself to other, past moments of getting shook up and as a result I become anxious because of a simple noise. Yesterday I just cycled along. The shock effect didn't have ripples.
I thought about My Ex today, who's sullen again, and I gave it some thought and then started thinking about something else, while noticing how beautiful the canal was in the dark, like a mirror, devoid of ripples. There wasn't anything to latch on to. One thought like that usually leads to a whole hour of reflecting on relationships and men, and other disaster areas. It didn't. It just didn't.
No pressure, no trying to stop my train of thought; it just didn't have anything to hang on to, where there is usually a whole batch of sore memories and feelings, hurt, pettiness et cetera just waiting to be called upon. Yep, whole new experience this. It does feel like being 'in neutral'. Although it's a notch down from grinning like an idiot and smiling like a fool, like I did yesterday, for the biggest part of the day I might add, this is also new and interesting.
For now, this is all. Anything more would just be added words.